seek first to understand, then to be understood

Habit 005 Seek first to understand, then seek to be understood.

Seek 001st to understand.

Understanding is the best thing in the world…if you don’t want to lose your head.

Seek first to understand then seek to be understood.
What's the difference between sympathy and empathy?

004 levels of effective listening.

001: Mimic content

All you have to do is say what they said.  This shows you are paying attention; this is active listening.

  Be careful! 

Do not continue this long.  People don’t like this for some reason. 

002 understand, you need to go to level 002.

Example:

Son: “Dad, I can’t play piano today, I don’t have the time.”

Dad: “You can’t play piano today, you don’t have the time.”

002: Rephrase content

Say what was said, but in your own words.

Son: “Dad, I can’t play piano today, I don’t have the time.”

Dad: “You don’t have time to play piano.”

 

003: Reflect feeling

You have to pay attention to the way he feels about the situation.

Son: “Dad, I can’t play piano today, I don’t have the time.”

Dad: “You are feeling frustrated.”

004: Rephrase content and reflect feeling

By you saying what they are saying in your own words and expressing the feelings that you can see and hear, you are giving the other person the message that you care. 

Son: “Dad, I can’t play piano today, I don’t have the time.”

Dad: “You are feeling frustrated because you don’t have time.”

Son: “That’s right, it’s totally useless in life.  It is not like i’m going to be a professional musician.  I want to be a chemist.”

Dad: “You feel that piano practise is not doing you any good?”

Son: “Well, yeah, I’m not learning anything that will help me be a better chemist.  None of my friends have to practise piano.”

Dad: “You feel that your friends have the right ideas about not practising piano.”

Son:  “Well, yes because they get to play minecraft longer.”

Dad:  “You are frustrated because you only want to do things that you enjoy.”

Son:  “Yes, I want to play minecraft now, not practise piano besides I can’t do the song I’m supposed to be practising.  It’s too hard.”

Dad: “Would it help that I play it first?”

Son: “Yes, I guess…But can I play Minecraft after?”

 

Take 5 hours a week to understand, like this smart guy.

Ben Franklin did not understand much until he started slacking one hour a day.

seek first to understand

Then seek to be understood.

Learn to listen deep.

We talk about listening alot around here because it is recognizing the uniqueness in another persons perspective. First we sympathize: feel their feelings. Then we empathize; Imagining ourselves in their situation AND feel their feelings.
Seek first to understand, then seek to be understood.
We may even learn something new.
That's how we become truly effective. See you next post with habit 006 of the 007 habits of effective people.
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